Bang, Bang You’re Not Dead

on April 15 | in Obscura | by | with No Comments

Recently we had to swap things around a bit. An injury, caused by the better half tripping in a pothole and landing at pace on her left arm meant your truly stepped up to the plate.

The injury was significant but luckily the bits of her skeleton remained intact; tendons and muscles took the brunt. Whilst housework was well within the skill set, despite watching “master chef,” the culinary expertise was to say the least, embryonic.

Recipes to me are merely an outline indication; a suggestion of what to do. A free spirit does the rest. This was put to the test whilst preparing “Bang Bang Turkey.” An exotic blend of herbs and spices fused with ancient condiments in an Asian stir fry with a mere hint of curry. It said. Not sure what happened but this culinarily delectation took a wrong turn at some unknown juncture. It went, in the modern idiom, substantially “tits up.” But man’s quest to explore remains intact, for we have learnt not to go that route again and this is what learning is all about.

The outcome became apparent when my wife declared the issue lay with the recipe and not the mechanic. How diplomatic. Regretfully the truth lay elsewhere. It seemed a waste to measure out 250gms from a pack of 350gms. What are you supposed to do with the remaining 100gms ? So in it went, as did every other ingredient that fell short of a pack size. I mean surely supermarkets match ingredients with recipes, and yet  is this possibly the root cause of food waste.

By adding ingredients in pack size I reckoned I could rebalance the recipe by upping the other ingredients on a pro rata basis. I’m not daft. The net result of this thinking produced a mass of “bang bang turkey” of biblical proportions certainly being able feed a multitude.

The meal was supposedly designed for two, and I will admit took a deal of eating. I calculated the net expenditure of energy devouring the meal was marginally greater that the calorific intake. And with the observation that it was the fault of the recipe rather than the mechanic, I was marginally ahead.

Day two and a conundrum. The surviving volume indicated the potential for several further meals and thus weighed heavily against any desire to chuck it in the bin. Starving masses and all that. I promised to rework the bang bang turkey to spark it up. After adding quite a few extra ingredients in went some mayonnaise. This had nothing to do with taste – it was added as a lubricant. It overcame the previous inability to swallow. It lived up to it’s brief. The meal, being graded as a marginal improvement over the previous batch was eaten in silence and I’m absolutely certain held healing qualities as my wife promptly returned to the kitchen thereafter. It’s a miracle

Pin It

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

« »

Scroll to top