You Are On The Best Energy Tariff, Believe Me.

Have you noticed when dealing with the large corporations, the bigger they are the more corrupt Andy obscure they become. This is probably down to the massive salaries of the CEO and his or her eye watering bonus if they hit profit targets. We mortals are chicken feed in this equation.

Facebook and Google are currently fighting their own battles at the moment where presumed truth has become a mite twisted. In a similar vein, I’m in the midst of a delightful battle concerning the promised ease of switching energy suppliers. Just key in your name, email, post code and consumption and off you go.

Except it ain’t that easy. The big boys insist some weird questions are asked; like who is your current supplier – why do you need to know this. What tariff are you on? Again why do they need to know if it is an open and fair quote.

My latest attempt at riding this online bull refused to go any further until I fessed up with a tariff. “Let’s help you” it suggested, which is your supplier from the following list; tick, and which of the following 40 different tariffs from that supplier are you on. Confusion. Just tick one at random. If we are  to believe we are to be given a fair quote and not to be influenced by known competitors existing price – why do they need to know?

Once the enter key is hit out pops 10 quotes all mysteriously similar except some are for one year some for two. But have you got the best deal before you click to proceed? No one knows, not for a year during which your supplier choice may well jack up their prices and rended the savings void. But ‘tis all fair and square according to  OFGEN. 

I have Smart meters fitted to the gas and electricity supply. Except the bleeding things don’t speak to the new supplier. I have mark I meters whereas you need mark II to allow any new supplier to interrogate the things. Brilliant, instead of consumption being fed by SMS I am required to get on my knees, press the tiny, tiny button number 9 and read a number before it’s replaced seconds later by some other quotient whose relevance is known only to the utility companies. Get this wrong and you could pay the National debt on your next bill.

Or you could ask your new supplier for a brand new meter to replace the 6 months old one. Except the new supplier doesn’t think you are a customer so you bloody well can’t have one.

So it’s the bended knee for the foreseeable future. Oh and a chance for the Nation Energy Register of all things important to work out why my gas meter is actually registered to a farm’s cattle shed. And I can’t possibly live at my address. It doesn’t exist, they say, despite it being over 480 years old.

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