You’ve Missed a Bit

One of the hidden elements of the lockdown and its aftermath is the scrutiny of the male skill in performing domestic chores.

As a man, hoovering is a task that needs a clear head. It is after all the transfer of muck and dust from one location to another. There are techniques to be developed to transform the mission into a challenge to ensure it is completed in the minimum of time and within one battery charge.

After all man was not put on this earth to suck dust all day. What is missed can be surely removed on the next cycle. Dust that had had the tenacity to locate itself in hidden crevices deserves the credit to be left alone for a while. The development of cordless gadgets has invoked an entirely new approach to hoovering. Can it be completed on one charge, a count down clock is ticking. Do you really need that extra power boost that can hold your own weight if the nozzle touches the ceiling, (spider hunt) and just think about the drain on your battery on super suck. The simple task now takes on the strategy of a Formal 1 racing team and tyre wear.

I also feel that the vacuum collection bin should be photographed before being emptied to submit visual evidence of a job (often) well done.

Subsequent tasks, like washing the stone or tiled floors provide a second wave approach to gathering missed dust anyway. Best to complete this exercise in private less the technique is questioned. “You use what?” and “How much did you use?” and off course “Why is this floor so sticky?”

Now I know that combined harvesters exist, and there are hoovers and carpet cleaners, and floor cleaners, and floor polishers. But where is the combined floor hoover-cleaner-polisher when you need it, battery powered of course.

Alistair Owens

The meandering thoughts of someone with too much time on his hands. Tending to see the obscure and irrelevant in most events I have been forced to record this by family members as a means of diverting attention away from them. But I see their plan.

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