Census Provides Light Relief From Boredom

Interesting to know if being fastened in lockdown v.3.0 will enhance the census completion.

We are presently trading in a world of threat, fines and boredom. But which of these, if not all three categories will come in play to entice us to complete the 2021 census. The exercise comes with it’s financial reward. Complete the questionnaire on time and they won’t put a £1000 fine in the post. Boredom has taken the leading edge with me. But 10 minutes later it was like that proverbial Chinese meal. You have forgotten you ate it.

Waking up today with a mission was a real positive in the schedule. The combination of retirement and being locked in has resulted in virtually everything being fixed or painted; on occasions – twice – well we all learn from mistakes.

The best cock up has been painting inside widows. A job that essentially does not generate a huge abundance of enthusiasm, a job which demonstrates it was slightly rushed. I prefer the outcome as the ‘distressed look’ which coincides with my demeanour. Living in an old house with single glazed Georgian windows there are a multitude of corners to negotiate. But we battled on and completed the task in no time, perhaps 2 months to be exact. There was no rush! Then winter arrived and the law of physics and the dew point reared its ugly head. Condensation that emerges on a right chilly night can be quickly ‘hoovered’ with one of those Karcher thingy’s while you convince yourself you are simultaneously cleaning the windows, ah the powers of persuasion.

And now the nasty part, for then the newly painted widow coroners stared to show signs of mildew. Damp, centrally heated atmosphere etc. But wait a cleaning product claiming it destroys mildew in a trice appears. A quick squirt around every bleeding window corner and bingo – no mildew – and a day later no bleeding paint either. It had turned my efforts into soft peeling paint residue. The instruction to try a test area didn’t help either, I mean who does that.

Thus as the weather warms I can plug myself into BBC Sounds, listen to a play or two whilst and repaint the bleeding lot – this time with more expensive paint that claims to be mildew proof. On reflection I quite enjoyed the diversion of filling in the census form, especially as you don’t need a paintbrush.

Alistair Owens

The meandering thoughts of someone with too much time on his hands. Tending to see the obscure and irrelevant in most events I have been forced to record this by family members as a means of diverting attention away from them. But I see their plan.

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